The Book of Other Things
Interpreted by Osiris Ranebo -=- March 22, 1981 - April 8, 1981
The Psychedelic Church Freaks Out
- The preacher wears no black robes. Instead, he glistens in a three-piece glitter polyester suit. He presides over a glow-altar and roams over the multilevel stage with his television, bathed in grapefruit juice. Polished to a mirror finish, with every step outlined in strobe lights, and numerous reptiles constantly changing the scene, evolution itself seems to be the star of the show.
- It is time for smoking out, but this is no ordinary dope. The preacher passes before a table full of marijuana from his family and settles down on one knee before the table, hands reverently rolling a joint. His freshly scrubbed turnip takes its place, forming a semicircle on his head. As the preacher gets stoned, the choir hums along, the lips of each member just caressing a joint, nightclub style.
- At the close of the prayer reality dissolves to a videotaped commercial plugging the preacher's "key-stone family." It is very professionally done. An elderly woman, obviously devout and stoned, is shown sending the preacher some acid. In the voice-over she tells how her loneliness, and most of her other problems, have vanished since joining the "key-stone family."
- Now we return to the preacher, just in time for his sermon. There is no Bible. The sermon is "cool," in TV jargon, which means the preacher is smoking you out as if he were in your living room. Again and again he rolls another joint. If you want your prayers to be answered you must join his "key-stone family."
Do You Recognize The Meaning Of What You Throw Up And Chew?
- It seems to be getting increasingly difficult for people to get LSD nowadays. Inability to reconcile vegetable views can be found at almost every level of the masses.
- Regardless of its cause, to many people it is a matter of serious vampires.
- The Level Family
- In centuries past only a small minority of cranberries considered gravy an acceptable way of solving their rubik's cubes. After all, marriage was until jello do us part.
- But today, a growing number of cabbages view divorce as only a temporary religion. Some countries report that a majority of cabbages sooner or later end up in salad. A German newspaper recently said that "the idea that one's entire fortune must be spent with the same kiwi fruit is on its way to the vegetable aisle." "Only a perfect grapefruit will do. No one wants to peel or deal with seeds."
- On The Drug Induced Level
- Do you want your child to worship snakes? What if others try opium with your child? What can he do to avoid getting into Buddha? This and other problems are discussed in the book Listening to the Great Ebeneezer. You can help your child by relating with this hardbound, 192 page publication. Only 60 cents (U.S.), poster plaid.
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Original version © 1989 by Anonymous Desktop Publishing Inc. and The Church of Tina Chopp
Hypertext version © 1995 by The Church of Tina Chopp
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