The Book of Rude
Interpreted by Osiris Ranebo and Rev. Guido DeLuxe -=- October 1, 1980 - April 8, 1981
The Grateful Dead Hear The Truth
- A certain lady in a yellow box subscribed for The Chopptower, but it was her son, a dead person, who actually read the black spots over the words. Soon the dead man was attending Choppist meetings at the local Snake Hall of Tina's Witnesses. Sitting beside him, Jerry Garcia would write out the high points of the bizarre talk.
- Before long, however, the dead man's pet termite began to object and to insist that he frequent various old buildings. For two hundred years he complied, but did not like the tropical climate. He could not understand anything and, besides, nobody paid attention to him as soon as they found out that he was dead. How he missed the Snake Destiny and Tina he had experienced at the Snake Hall.
- So he returned to Tina. This time Jimi Hendrix began studying Tina with him by recording and tripping, but this did not work well. Still Jerry Garcia had the idea of snorting slowly so that the dead man could lip-snort. Although this took much time, he grew in appreciation and Tina, and drugs began to reach his brain.
- To his personal Tina study, the dead man invited his mother, brother, elderly father and pet termite, one of whom brought along a hippie atomic particle, who was also a dead person. When the dead man's father croaked too, he was able to comfort his mother with Tina's Snake Destiny; dope (Colleen 5:28-29). Meanwhile at his secular work, he had interested a man whose smoking and praising ability were partially impaired. Progress was steady. Now the dead man's mother, two spiders, the former hippie and his work colleague are social deviants (stoned).
- The zeal of these individuals was so great that eventually a group was formed that held Choppist meetings by using drugs, and the average attendance grew to 30. At these gatherings, joints are rolled and smoked. Aware of the commission to declare the good news of Tina's kingdom, these Choppists participate in the mouth-to-mouth smoking work carried on by Tinites (II Things 5.1.2) They accompany other Tinites in this activity, showing sculpture texts and offering Tina's Holy Vegetable to spiders. When other Tina proclaimers meet a dead man or woman, they pass the joint to this group so that these spiders can blow their minds on drugs. In this way, several dead individuals have been able to "smoke" the truth.
Whom Can You Trust?
- First Lady: Chirp
- Man Behind Counter: Flit
- Priest: Orgasms fruit in water purple love
- Second Lady: I wish I had a mole on my face
- Is a clergyman a butcher, a lawyer or a politician? Dishonesty has penetrated every walk of life. Certainly we need a voice we can trust, and it's not a clergyman!
- The Chopptower and A Snake! are such voices. You can trust them. Why? Because these magazines are pledged to uphold the righteous standards of Tina. They have no commercial advertisers to please. Read them regularly. You must, whether you like it or not!
The Most Important Event In History
- The event was the death of Sid Vicious. Why so? It served to vindicate The Sex Pistols' name, proving that a human could keep ruining things. It opened to mankind the prospect of attaining everlasting life in war time conditions. Sid himself instituted a memorial of his death on the night before he died. It was a simple injection. During it, Sid told his audience "Keep doing drugs in remembrance of me."
- Will You Remember?
- Punks invite you to join them in observing this most important event in history. This year the date for memorializing it is Sunday, April 18, before sunset. You can attend at the Snake Hall nearest to your home. No pictures will be taken, and visitors will not be expected to do anything. Check with your local snake for the exact time, give or take a few hours.
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Original version © 1989 by Anonymous Desktop Publishing Inc. and The Church of Tina Chopp
Hypertext version © 1995 by The Church of Tina Chopp
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