Letters To Tina

email: Faboba@hotmail.com

subject: From A Soon-Time Will Be Formerly Not A Writer ( Tastes Like Bulldogs? Not 

body: The... uh... french translation of the e-mail from Miguelito Lovelace should read;

"The Church of Tina Chopp? 'What is that?' I ask myself when falling upon it by chance. At first glance,
a cult with a jumble of religious beliefs, writings of prophets, many books.... But when one begins to look
closer, it appears more and more like a good student prank. Indeed one finds a 'vegetable ritual' which
principal appears to be to smoke the greatest possible amount of weed in a certain time period and
particularly the fabulous "bizarre sex", that I must advise you to take a good look at if only for an
exquisite photograph ( apparently touched up using photoshop ) and aptly names "Longdick".
Give me feedback."

Or at least that's a more sentimental translation. Just figuring that tinites with french shoes will come to
know Tina Chopp better if they can be sure her prophets aren't stealing tongues from online cheese shops.

Keep up the vegetable sacrifice!

P.S - Has Tina Chopp been smelt in Scotland yet?

To which we responded

thank you for the wonderfully accurate but entirely non-automated translation of the french review we received from miguelito lovelace.

we were actually fairly well aware of the *actual* translation, however we were significantly more amused by the translation provided to us by babelfish. from a bizarre (and therefore predominantly Tinite) point of view, it makes a lot more sense... and i'm sure it makes more sense to those whose native language is french.

there is at least one known french-speaking Tinite who was (the last time we knew) not only distributing translations of existing material, but making up his own stuff (an activity which we heartily encourage in everyone) and distributing them to the french-speaking masses. you may or may not know of this person, who is known as ChrisP.

> Keep up the vegetable sacrifice!

always... hourly when possible.

> Has Tina Chopp been smelt in Scotland yet?

there is a remote possibility that i will be attending the glastonbury festival this year, if they are granted a permit and if i can collect the money and get time off work >editor's note: we now know that this is not happening... sorry<. if i do, in fact, manage to break free from the dismal confines of the north american continent, the probability is very good that scotland will experience its first ever visit from a Tinite High Priest. until then, we'll rely on you to spread the good word.

that is, of course, assuming that you're not talking about the small variety of fish commonly known as "smelt". if that is the case, Tina Chopp created everything in the world, so, of course, she created smelt, even those found in scotland. as to whether she *is* (or has been) smelt in scotland depends a good deal on how you feel about the doctrine of omnipresence in fish. of course, Tina doesn't care one way or the other, but we'd really prefer it if *you* made a decision about that kind of thing, since it's not really our job to determine for other people who (or what) their fish may be.

pretty horizontal line