Letters To Tina

email: image77@earthlink.net (Rev. E. Dwayne Looper)

body: Snake handling? The real test of faith is spider handling:

Are you man enough, Tina? Face the Looper test of faith!!!

To which we responded

Dear Rev. E.

First of all, whether you know it or not, whether you believe it or not, whether you like it or not, Tina Chopp IS God, and you ARE a worshipper of Tina. Worshipping someone other than Tina has always been Tina's preferred form of worship (She doesn't get along with people very much), and it has always been strongly encouraged by The Church of Tina.

Not only that, but Tina is "man enough"... in fact, She has more cojones than any other 5000 "men" put together! Furthermore, The Church of Tina Chopp doesn't practice snake handling... We practice Snake Fondling. There is a subtle, but significant difference, which involves the fact that the REAL Son of God, Ebeneezer Squeezer, most recently took the earthly form of a Snake in order to teach us the doctrine of Snake Destiny. Of course, The Church of Tina doesn't discourage the practice of snake (or spider) handling, but we don't treat such practices as solemn rituals, nor do we use them to prove (or disprove) anything concerning our faith in Tina.

Knowing that you're on the staff at Landover Baptist Church definitely colours our response to you. The Church of Tina Chopp has held a great deal of respect for your esteemed organisation, and would very much like to form a partnership, which may or may not include such events as a "Blasphemy Competition" or, possibly, a "Teach-In" on the subject of cults and satanism - purely for the purposes of educating the true believeroonie about the dangers of straying from the straight and narrow path.

We would also like to inform you of a song created by the Tinite musical group "Saint Fred" called "God Sees You All", which incorporates a number of sound samples of Pastor Deacon Fred, Mrs. Judy O'Christian and several others, which were obtained from Landover's wonderful web site.

Thank you for taking the time to write to us. We hope you have enjoyed our web site as much as we (regularly) enjoy yours.

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